chasing dreams into the night

" the heart that truly loves never forgets. "

-- proverb

so doesn't that make you question when people have break ups or fall outs, if they truly love that person or not? the ones who try and succeed in forgetting people, it's safe to say they weren't in, let alone aware, of true love. and maybe there really is no true love. it could be healthy obsessions, lapses in judgement, platonic intensity...who ever really knows? love in itself is extremely subjective, even situational, that it's not very fair for people to generalize it.

I'm just saying, if you try to forget someone you claim to have loved, did you truly love them then? wouldn't you try and keep them apart of you as much as possible? isn't something as abstract, yet apparent something you would try to cherish? but maybe that's a sign..or a defense mechanism..but maybe it's a sign that people don't know what they truly want. or that they're afraid to face their true desires. it could be that you never truly forget, which explains the bitterness you feel when your mind leers over those particular memories.

just think of things this way: the choices you make define who you are and will become. if you choose to love someone, care about someone, be with someone..eventually you slowly define yourself. try to cherish the best of what you've had, because in essence it's the best of you. and nobody is made up of the best or always, only experiences the best. but that comes with being human.

when life gives you lemons..

"people can't change themselves, they can only change their outlooks."

-- daddy dearest

holiday cheer is definitely in the air. definitely. BY the way.

can I tell you why resolutions don't work? because there's a reason you had to make that resolution. people shouldn't make new year's "resolutions" they should be new year's "resolved outlooks". nobody can change themselves, just their outlooks. why do you want to start having a healthier diet and working out? why should you stop talking shit about people? why should you try and be a better listener? why become organized? I mean, half of these resolutions come from the mood you're in. I can't tell you how many times I've been in this tranquil mood, wanting peace in the world but then the next day thinking chaos is necessary for me to have peace of mind.

maybe right now in this season of giving, you could learn to give yourself some rewards too. I think it's fabulous if you want to be better and kinder towards people, improve your health, simmer down your temper, but let it be for yourself; doing things for others leads you to an abandonment to yourself. a really wise guy always tells me any change I want for myself should be from within me, or intrinsic. because anything I do for anyone else could result in a loss of respect, whether it's from others or myself. and yeah, maybe sometimes it takes an outside factor for you to truly see what's best, but that should just be a prod..the actual "resolving" is all you, baby. allllll you. and you'll see, your chaotic life will go hand in hand with that peace you always desire so much.

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but on a different note. happy holidays! eat peppermint bark, drink hot chocolate, find proper shirt sizes and gift wrappings, and more importantly, spread this obnoxious feeling of warmth throughout this brisk, cold air.