"there is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. doubt separates people. it is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. it is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills."
-- buddha
being a social butterfly, my main priority when I enter a room is to befriend anyone and everyone on a completely personal level. it was until very recently I realized I could develop genuine bonds with people by focusing on friendships. sometimes I think it's the experiences we have alone that bring us towards other people, not necessarily people themselves. maybe a coffee run before a project or a car accident or a television show or a common enemy. each friendship of mine has issues, but has its perks..and those perks involve being able to laugh and bitch for the same amount of time about the same things. it is when I see qualities which lose my trust entirely (which is very difficult to do) that I back away from that friendship..and go back to focusing less on that person and stay on the surface. without those disappointments though, I would not be emotionally aware. remember what I said earlier about taking risks with people? the limits I learned from those risks have tweaked my social skills...making it easier for me to talk to just anybody. except I am pretty positive it'll lead to my downfall someday. we shall see. either way, at this point, I think everybody needs friends for their personality.I need pretty friends who can be bitchy and giving, but also funny. for example, I am quite complex, one person does not do it for me. maybe 6 do, and that is just fine with me. makes for a cheaper birthday dinner, right? haha..not funny..and having friends helps you realize what you want from life in general. even when it comes to the person you want to date or the type of job you'd like to have. don't underestimate the power of people.
----
why am I up so early? this just means I get to have coffee extra today. the addiction is awful, I have to have it at least once or I am just...dead. it's okay, I have friends who lessen the guilt because they need it more than I do. of course, it's the ones who don't need it at all who I end up facing at the end of the day. you can make me quit soda, you can make me quit fast food, you can make me a tall hazelnut latte.
